Witty Exchange Lover Pillows

'Nothing, honey, except flare up unexpectedly and cause a lot of trouble. Sort of like your uncle.'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'Mom can I have another apple?'

Cold caller.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

'I handed over my company to my son and he's doing better than I ever did. Unfortunately he's starting school next year...'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"Kids today are so blasé. Her first word was 'meh' instead of mommy."

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

"I hope you've come home with something for your wind."

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

Liquor Store: Lean to Open.

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

"You've put on weight."

Cylinder Head

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

I'm told Cuthbert's been building himself quite a legal team over the holiday'

"You're a plumber, I'm a doctor. Now that I've given you some free medical advice, how about stepping into my kitchen and fixing my leaky faucet?"

'And now the other leg!'

I didn't know you worked here - I thought you just dropped in to see your friends.

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

'I don't know what you're complaining about. I should charge you for breathing my second hand smoke. This happens to be a very expensive Cuban cigar!'