Comedic Exchange Lover Pillows

'A penny for your thoughts. Fifty bucks for your panties.'

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

Pushy Dog

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Baldo, Gracie...you need to learn more Spanish. For the rest of the week, I'm going to speak nothing but Spanish, and Tia Carmen will act as your interpreter, OK? Tienen tarea?"

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

"I decided to go on land after I got the sneaker deal."

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

'I know you felt great after ten laps around the track, Mr. Fandella, but remember you were driving.'

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'OK, pal, you've called me a little shrimp for the last time - let's see what you're made of!'

'Not me...I'm watching my cholesterol!'

'Could you give me bigger tits?'

'There's no evidence use of steroids will improve dog show performance.'

'Look, Mom. I'm belly dancing.'

'Holy S**t!'

'Early Toupees'.

'Fang, what do you think the chances are that I'll marry that girl second from the end on 'Deal or No Deal'?'

'He can do 'roll over' and 'beg,' but he does 'sit' best.'

'Mom, Dad...I'd like you to meet Fanny'

Centurion with an empty plate.

'To thumb a lift from this one mate, you must be tired of life!'

Lone traveller is befriended by tourist from hell.

"We're in for the night."

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

'But we agreed on terracotta- you liked terracotta! I am not sending them back!'

'Nothing, honey, except flare up unexpectedly and cause a lot of trouble. Sort of like your uncle.'

"As Spider-Man says, 'With great power comes great responsibility.'"

"If I had to guess I'd say your son's acne is the result of a sudden surge of hormones."

'It's just not fair! Now that he's joined the gym, he's too tired to go on walks with me...'