Comedic Exchange Lover Pillows

'A penny for your thoughts. Fifty bucks for your panties.'

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

Pushy Dog

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

"I decided to go on land after I got the sneaker deal."

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

'I know you felt great after ten laps around the track, Mr. Fandella, but remember you were driving.'

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'

'Could you give me bigger tits?'

'OK, pal, you've called me a little shrimp for the last time - let's see what you're made of!'

'Look, Mom. I'm belly dancing.'

'Not me...I'm watching my cholesterol!'

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'There's no evidence use of steroids will improve dog show performance.'

'Holy S**t!'

'Early Toupees'.

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

Lone traveller is befriended by tourist from hell.

'He can do 'roll over' and 'beg,' but he does 'sit' best.'

Centurion with an empty plate.

'To thumb a lift from this one mate, you must be tired of life!'

"We're in for the night."

'But we agreed on terracotta- you liked terracotta! I am not sending them back!'

'Nothing, honey, except flare up unexpectedly and cause a lot of trouble. Sort of like your uncle.'

"If I had to guess I'd say your son's acne is the result of a sudden surge of hormones."

What most people don't know is that the 8th Deadly Sin is 'lateness'..."

'Don't worry about running out of petrol - I just happen to have a spare two gallon can in my rucksack !'