Weight Management Consultant Gifts

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Be Healthy

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Valleyview diet clinic

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

"You won’t need refills."

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Scales

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'Never mind how accurate they are -- How DISCREET are they?'

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

Unfortunately my weight is like the stock market. In the short run it goes up and down, but over the long term in keeps reaching new heights.

Jump-Rope Rhymes For Adults

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."