Weight Management Expert Gifts

"Well we COULD tell people to eat less and exercise more, but where's the money in that?"

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Valleyview diet clinic

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"You won’t need refills."

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Scales

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'Never mind how accurate they are -- How DISCREET are they?'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Jump-Rope Rhymes For Adults

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'