Dieting Expert Gifts

"Eating less and exercising more. . . It's the only thing that works but how can we monetise it?"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

All Natural Nothing

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Fat man on scales.

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"I would kill for your metabolism."

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."