Diet-conscious Advisor Gifts

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

All Natural Nothing

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

Diet Cud

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

'If I'm reading this chart correctly, your LDL is ranch dressing'.

"In the morning I eat nothing then I wait 4 hours and eat nothing again."

'I'm sick of fast food. I mean, look at the legs on that thing.'

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

The Diet Fairy is here to grant you three dishes. . . as long as they're under 350 calories each.

"Eating less and exercising more. . . It's the only thing that works but how can we monetise it?"

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"Hey, honey. Are we ona diet again?"