Diet Advisor Gifts

'Dude, I think you should cut back on the Gummi worms.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

All Natural Nothing

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

Govt. UK led by Seance

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

'He refuses to overeat and get plump. Do you think he knows something we don't?'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"Steak for breakfast, steak for lunch, steak for dinner. . . you can't stop evolution!"

Jim's Smart Kettle