Diet Consultant Gifts

'With my diet program, you can start losing weight right now - give me all your money!'

'I've got three jobs and it works great! As a diet consultant, I help people who got fat from too much pizza and as a mechanic, I repair the cars I wrecked on my pizza delivery tours.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

'He refuses to overeat and get plump. Do you think he knows something we don't?'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"First, finish that genetically modified asparagus. Then you can have ice cream full of bovine growth hormone."

'I'm sick of fast food. I mean, look at the legs on that thing.'

"Eating less and exercising more. . . It's the only thing that works but how can we monetise it?"

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

'Dude, I think you should cut back on the Gummi worms.'

"IT's a radical new diet I'm developing. I knock out all your teeth so you can't eat and therefore you lose weight."

"Your mother eats all the wrong foods."

You are what you eat.

'If you're not sure of the name of a client then check it on the system, don't just shout 'Hey Fatso'.'

'I suggest you go easy on the fast food.'

'Ew! It's got FAT on it.'

'It's finally happened - no fats, no sugar, no colouring, no ingredients whatsoever!'

Health Club: For Regular People

Woman visits a dietitian and comes out a skeleton.

"He's on the paleo diet."

Chicken and the Food Pyramid,

"Good news and bad news. The good news is that we got your weight down to a more manageable level. The bad news..."

Perscription Diet

Center for diet research

Woman chaining herself to refrigerator so heavy man cannot open it.

The eat well - lose weight - be calm diet.

'Don't make me come up there!'

The Food Pyramid - Third World Edition

'The nurse says I'm morbidly obese...So what are you going to do about it?'