Weight Loss Consultant Gifts

"And here we have the 'economy' liposuction option!"

'If you're not sure of the name of a client then check it on the system, don't just shout 'Hey Fatso'.'

Woman visits a dietitian and comes out a skeleton.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Be Healthy

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

Unhappy, Happy, and Well Being Consultant Theatre Masks.

"Whoa. Have you lost weight, professor?"

Jump-Rope Rhymes For Adults

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

"Well we COULD tell people to eat less and exercise more, but where's the money in that?"

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

"Turns out it was all water weight."

'Inside healer'

"The diet seems to be working."

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

'I've got three jobs and it works great! As a diet consultant, I help people who got fat from too much pizza and as a mechanic, I repair the cars I wrecked on my pizza delivery tours.'

Next! (liposuction specialist)

'It's the thin person inside you, screaming to get out - I'm afraid he's not alone.'

"I'm looking for a diet that will guarantee my boss will gain the weight I lose.."

'I've discovered a new diet. I can eat as much as I like but I'm not to swallow.'

Health spa...

'The company has implemented a fitness program. From now on all employees will climb the rope to their offices.'

Diet Food...& lots of it

"That Wu-Long tea diet is starting to look better every day."

'There are two possibilities -- either you're sixty pounds overweight, or you're a hairless grizzly bear.'

'These pills are out BEST sellers. I guarantee you'll lose 50 pounds as soon as you pay me.'