Weight Loss Specialist Gifts

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

To do before Saturday...

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

Valleyview diet clinic

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

A diuretic! Are you sure about this?

Shrink

Jump-Rope Rhymes For Adults

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

"Whoa. Have you lost weight, professor?"

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

"Ready to head back?"

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

"Well we COULD tell people to eat less and exercise more, but where's the money in that?"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'If you want your diet to work, you're going to have to take the wheels off your refrigerator.'

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

Woman and scales.

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

'It's radical but it just might work!'