Diet Commentator Gifts

'Ew! It's got FAT on it.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

Sawdust.

"Well, then - two apples a day."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'He wanted to know if anyone had ever brought out a keep-fat video.'

"Steak for breakfast, steak for lunch, steak for dinner. . . you can't stop evolution!"

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'