Diet-conscious Advisor Pillows

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

All Natural Nothing

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

'I'm sick of fast food. I mean, look at the legs on that thing.'

'If I'm reading this chart correctly, your LDL is ranch dressing'.

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

"In the morning I eat nothing then I wait 4 hours and eat nothing again."

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

Diet Cud

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

The Diet Fairy is here to grant you three dishes. . . as long as they're under 350 calories each.

"You're really serious about that diet!"

'How is the new diet going?'

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

"Hey, honey. Are we ona diet again?"