Diet Conscious Pillows

'85% fat free, 100% taste free'

No wonder you're so skinny - you eat like a bird.

'No, no, no. I think it's great that you exercise and diet. I just wonder if perhaps you exercise and diet too much.'

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

The Enormous Peer Pressure on Good Cholesterol

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

All Natural Nothing

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

Running

Wash your hands

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!