Dietary Advice Guru Pillows

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

"I put an app on your phone that punches you in the face every time you eat junk food. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind."

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'You go ahead and eat. I'm on a raw food diet and surfer isn't part of it.'

'Go on - they're organic!'

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"The doctor said I need more calcium, so I'm switching from dark to milk chocolate."

"Well, then - two apples a day."

'I'm NOT trying to break in and change my grades. I'm only trying to change the school lunch menu.'

Overloaded on Junk Food.

Bear eating Nutri-Honey.

"A deep-fried bone is taking it too far!"

"That's why you need to chew your food!" (cow deposited a hay bale).

Women in grocery store contemplates high and low calories.

'Your bypass operation will be self administered. Pass by every other meal.'

"Eating less and exercising more. . . It's the only thing that works but how can we monetise it?"

"It's the worse case of flatulence I've ever witnessed!"

"I'm afraid that walking to the refrigerator 5 or 6 times a day does not count as exercise."

'Just a tip, never be the bearer of bad news - people will automatically blame you for it...'

"There's too much fibre in your diet! Your roots are showing!"

'An apple a day keeps the doctor away....maybe if I sit here by this fruit basket, everyone will just leave me alone.'

"I do feel a lot better since we switched to the trans-fat free oil."

'Four thousand packets of the new anti-obesity drug, please'