Weight Management Gifts

Candies and diet pills

"Not all fat's bad. Maybe you're gaining the omega-3 polyunsaturated kind."

"Can I substitute saltwater taffy for the five servings of seafood?"

'If you go on a diet and lose five pounds, only to gain ten the following month, how many infuriating godforsaken pounds do you weigh?'

'DIET? EXERCISE?... Can't you just OPERATE?'

Math teacher shows a number line representing her diet.

'I only weigh 95 Kilograms ... Thats 210 in pounds!'

'Too much intake - not enough burnout.'

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'I'm trying to watch my weight so I hope that's low fat!'

Spreading the Load.

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

Wheat Watchers

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

Bad news from the scales.

'According to the blood tests, x-rays and EKG... You're fat.'

Northeast Diet Center.

'See a doctor. Your cholesterol is twice your weight.'

Woman accusing her scales of lying

'I am not overweight. I'm gravity enhanced.'

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

Belly reflection

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

Lady getting her weight taken and machine exploding under pressure.

Thin and thick

"That's inflation. You may have more pounds now, but you're worth less."

"See? The good still outweighs the bad."

'Here, hold my dentures.'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"You'd like to see it in a smaller size...congratulations!"

"You reach your ideal body weight your way. I'll reach it my way."

"It's all set. If your husband tries to get into the fridge after 9pm he'll receive an electrical shock

"I've lost 10 pounds thanks to global warming!"