Weight Control Gifts

'The eat well-lose weight- be calm diet'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

Valleyview diet clinic

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"They should have quit after deep dish."

Scales

"You won’t need refills."

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

'Never mind how accurate they are -- How DISCREET are they?'

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"Now I wish we hadn't ordered all those appetizers."

Unfortunately my weight is like the stock market. In the short run it goes up and down, but over the long term in keeps reaching new heights.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."