Weight Control Gifts

'The eat well-lose weight- be calm diet'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Valleyview diet clinic

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

Scales

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"You won’t need refills."

"They should have quit after deep dish."

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

'Never mind how accurate they are -- How DISCREET are they?'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'