Weight Management Consultant Pillows

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Be Healthy

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Valleyview diet clinic

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

Scales

"You won’t need refills."

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

'Never mind how accurate they are -- How DISCREET are they?'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

Jump-Rope Rhymes For Adults

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Unhappy, Happy, and Well Being Consultant Theatre Masks.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."