Weight Management Strategist Pillows

"I'm looking for a diet that will guarantee my boss will gain the weight I lose.."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Will work for ETFs

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

Valleyview diet clinic

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'I can't believe this.. biggest fight of my life, and I forget to pack a wallop.'

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"Wow. . . Are you expecting or did you nibble on your gingerbread house again?"

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

Scales

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

"You won’t need refills."

The early days of Warren Buffett.

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

'Life, liberty & the pursuit of tax shelters.'

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'Never mind how accurate they are -- How DISCREET are they?'