Weight Management Strategist Pillows

"I'm looking for a diet that will guarantee my boss will gain the weight I lose.."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Will work for ETFs

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

Valleyview diet clinic

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"You won’t need refills."

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

Scales

'I can't believe this.. biggest fight of my life, and I forget to pack a wallop.'

"Wow. . . Are you expecting or did you nibble on your gingerbread house again?"

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

'Life, liberty & the pursuit of tax shelters.'

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'Never mind how accurate they are -- How DISCREET are they?'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'