Diet Strategist Pillows

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

'He refuses to overeat and get plump. Do you think he knows something we don't?'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

Protein Powder Irony

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

'I'm sick of fast food. I mean, look at the legs on that thing.'

Diet Cud

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

The Diet Fairy is here to grant you three dishes. . . as long as they're under 350 calories each.

"Hey, honey. Are we ona diet again?"