Diet Thinker Pillows

'I've struggle with weight problems since birth. I was a 'Jumbo' egg.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

All Natural Nothing

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Dieting Motivation.

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

"I do diet...between snacks."