Dietary Thinker Pillows

"I don't have to be carnivorous, you know."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"Genetic engineering has made us disease resistant."

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"Steak for breakfast, steak for lunch, steak for dinner. . . you can't stop evolution!"

"A deep-fried bone is taking it too far!"

Lite Beer.

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

"Never eat anything you can't lift over your head."

'Pastry sniffing canine corporation' entering a 'Diet clinic dormitory'.

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

'I wouldn't call myself a vegetarian, but I don't eat dead animals either.'

'I have a hard time believing that fast food causes obesity.'

"There's too much fibre in your diet! Your roots are showing!"

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

"It has a cream base because we hate you."

'I know it's my third doughnut, but it's okay. I'm using the Pilates method of dunking.'

'I'm very active. I'm always jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, skipping lunch, and jogging my memory. With all that jumping, stretching, skipping and jogging, I still can't lose weight.'

"Moving to a chair to eat three times a day really isn't 'doing sit-ups!'"

'You need a more balanced diet.'