Dietary Thinker Gifts

"I don't have to be carnivorous, you know."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"Genetic engineering has made us disease resistant."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

"Steak for breakfast, steak for lunch, steak for dinner. . . you can't stop evolution!"

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"Why don't we skip the falafel bar, Sinbad."

"A deep-fried bone is taking it too far!"

Lite Beer.

"Never eat anything you can't lift over your head."

'Pastry sniffing canine corporation' entering a 'Diet clinic dormitory'.

'I have a hard time believing that fast food causes obesity.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"There's too much fibre in your diet! Your roots are showing!"

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

'I wouldn't call myself a vegetarian, but I don't eat dead animals either.'

"It has a cream base because we hate you."

'I know it's my third doughnut, but it's okay. I'm using the Pilates method of dunking.'

'I'm very active. I'm always jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, skipping lunch, and jogging my memory. With all that jumping, stretching, skipping and jogging, I still can't lose weight.'

"Moving to a chair to eat three times a day really isn't 'doing sit-ups!'"