Diet Dilemmist Gifts

'Gorgeous or gorging, why do I always have to choose?'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Things you'll never hear me say.

"Just Desserts" and "Unjust Desserts"

"If you don't plan on snacking at night, then why did you move the refrigerator in here?"

"Why don't we skip the falafel bar, Sinbad."

"A pint of chocolate ice cream is a reasonable equivalent for a half cup of non-fat yoghurt, right?"

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

Adam and Eve - Food scares

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

Need to block those Cookies Santa!

"No thanks, mom. I'm on a vegetable free diet."

'You were right, doc. Blood is thicker than water.'

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

'She has been suicidal all day doctor since she read about the fatal effect of too much sugar.'

"I'm eating for two-for me and the me who is on a diet."

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

"It's not that you've chosen the wrong diet, it's just that you're not meant to eat them all at once!"

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

"It's OK, I'm on a meat day."

Fresh Donuts. Frank, you can't win the battle of the bulge if you fraternize with the enemy.

"I shouldn't, but I'm going to have the garbage."

"How can we be overweight? We eat like birds."

'Finally have an expense account and I'm always on a diet.'

Fridge with sign - 'Contents may not be suitable for those with weight problems'.

'I read that you should only have a portion of meat about the size of your palm!'

'It's called the 'Phone Diet.' but I don't think it works. I've been pressing the 'Pound' key all day and haven't lost a single one.'

"I'm giving up my diet for Lent."