Dietary Dilemmist Gifts

"No thanks, mom. I'm on a vegetable free diet."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

Adam and Eve - Food scares

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

"Why don't we skip the falafel bar, Sinbad."

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

"Just Desserts" and "Unjust Desserts"

'You were right, doc. Blood is thicker than water.'

Edith told Hank that if he gained any more weight, she's leave him. Hank just wanted the cake and Edith too.

Need to block those Cookies Santa!

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

'I'm really not eating a balanced diet. I'm always replacing meals with snacks. Maybe I should be taking a multivitamin before I eat a donut.'

"I'm eating for two-for me and the me who is on a diet."

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

"If you don't plan on snacking at night, then why did you move the refrigerator in here?"

Skinny Santa Claus munches on carrot, as obese Rudolph eats mince pie.

'She has been suicidal all day doctor since she read about the fatal effect of too much sugar.'

"It's not that you've chosen the wrong diet, it's just that you're not meant to eat them all at once!"

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

"It's OK, I'm on a meat day."

'Gorgeous or gorging, why do I always have to choose?'

"Time for a diet or a double-wide."

"A pint of chocolate ice cream is a reasonable equivalent for a half cup of non-fat yoghurt, right?"

'I went off my diet... it was a piece of cake.'

Fresh Donuts. Frank, you can't win the battle of the bulge if you fraternize with the enemy.