Dietary Dilemmist Pillows

"No thanks, mom. I'm on a vegetable free diet."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

Adam and Eve - Food scares

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

Need to block those Cookies Santa!

"Just Desserts" and "Unjust Desserts"

Edith told Hank that if he gained any more weight, she's leave him. Hank just wanted the cake and Edith too.

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

'I'm really not eating a balanced diet. I'm always replacing meals with snacks. Maybe I should be taking a multivitamin before I eat a donut.'

'She has been suicidal all day doctor since she read about the fatal effect of too much sugar.'

"If you don't plan on snacking at night, then why did you move the refrigerator in here?"

Skinny Santa Claus munches on carrot, as obese Rudolph eats mince pie.

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

"I'm eating for two-for me and the me who is on a diet."

"It's not that you've chosen the wrong diet, it's just that you're not meant to eat them all at once!"

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

'Gorgeous or gorging, why do I always have to choose?'

"It's OK, I'm on a meat day."

"A pint of chocolate ice cream is a reasonable equivalent for a half cup of non-fat yoghurt, right?"

'I went off my diet... it was a piece of cake.'

Things you'll never hear me say.