Dieting Dilemmist Gifts

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"The Diet Special is bacon cheese nachos....served on a bed of lettuce."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

"Why don't we skip the falafel bar, Sinbad."

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

"No thanks, mom. I'm on a vegetable free diet."

Edith told Hank that if he gained any more weight, she's leave him. Hank just wanted the cake and Edith too.

"Just Desserts" and "Unjust Desserts"

Need to block those Cookies Santa!

'I'm really not eating a balanced diet. I'm always replacing meals with snacks. Maybe I should be taking a multivitamin before I eat a donut.'

'Diet ready meals' 'Can help reduce weight only by not actually eating it'

"All these healthy eating edicts and chew twenty times...I'm fed up to where my back teeth used to be!"

"If you don't plan on snacking at night, then why did you move the refrigerator in here?"

Skinny Santa Claus munches on carrot, as obese Rudolph eats mince pie.

"I'm eating for two-for me and the me who is on a diet."

'She has been suicidal all day doctor since she read about the fatal effect of too much sugar.'

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"

The food police are never far away.

"It's not that you've chosen the wrong diet, it's just that you're not meant to eat them all at once!"

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

'Gorgeous or gorging, why do I always have to choose?'

"It's OK, I'm on a meat day."

"I shouldn't, but I'm going to have the garbage."

Things you'll never hear me say.

'In just four days it's taken three and a half inches off my waistline.'