Weight Management Warriors Pillows

'In the last 26 years, I've lost 2143 pounds. Unfortunately, in the same period I've gained 2187 pounds!'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

Fat man weighing himself while on the toilet

Slimming club with 'Thin' and 'Stout' trays.

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Biceps, muscles and brawn

Bench Press Accident

To do before Saturday...

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

Valleyview diet clinic

Fitness Camp. I'm trying to strengthen our boarders!

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

Ring for Service.

" ... then subtract 75 pounds for the cat ... "

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."