Weight Wellness Warrior Pillows

'We ran out of Gastric Band,so I've put in a Brass Band.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'Well, well, well...'

Be Healthy

"Your contents have shifted."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

To do before Saturday...

Biceps, muscles and brawn

"We're exclusively delts."

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

Bench Press Accident

Sam's Gym. My problem is I can't get the body I want with the body I've got!

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Hot Pie Therapy

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

"I told him he should have trained more."

Shrinks in heaven

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."