Weight Humor Gifts

Chromatic Scale

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"Turns out it was all water weight."

"What already?! If it weren't for my extraordinary willpower, I'd be exercising right now!"

'He says he's training to be a world champion weightlifter - With a knife and fork.'

'Does it come in soy lite?'

Check out my six pack.

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

"I'm afraid a hearing aid will make me look old."

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

An overweight lazy man chooses to exercise on a motorbike at a gym.

CITY CLINIC: 'I want to see whichever doctor is the fattest.'

Good news! We determined the hair in your vegan soup is from the chef's fake fur coat!

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

'I tell you what: Mistress' lap was so much more comfortable before she started her diet...'

Egyptians stuck in position line up to see the chiropractor.

"Has anyone in your family ever had a history of exercise?"

"The diet section is located next to the snack bar."

'Which of the high cholesterol foods are the safest?'

Naughty Food

"I decided to limit myself to just one Easter egg this year."

'Let's talk about the best way to use nicotine patches.'

'I've worked out, if you lose ten pounds a week, in two months you'll be gone completely.'

'You're right. Carrying 8 times our own body weight isn't that impressive at all.'

"You better not be cheating on our Atkins diet buster!"

It sounds like you may have restless hindquarter syndrome, Mr. Fusco.

'My doc suggested that I eat more veggies. Can you tell me where I can find the steaks - broccoli flavour?'

"I'm not sure what that feels like."

"That's what happens when you combine lo carb with lo fat fat diets."

Support group for guys with hemorrhoids.

'Getting that extra weight off isn't hard. . . keeping it off is.'

'I'd help you but I'm ergonomically challenged.'