Weight Humor Fan Gifts

'I can't hold on much longer! And quite frankly, you're not helping.'

Keep Fit.

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'Good lord, Mrs. Frost, how long has he been running a fever?!'

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

"Turns out it was all water weight."

"I not only respect women, I look up to them."

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

Hipness Replacement Surgery.

Miss Twaddle, cancel all my appointments.

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

"I remember the days of skim, 1% and even 2%. Now, it's right to the whole milk section."

"I am exercising. I'm doing some online walking around an online mall."

Check out my six pack.

'He says he's training to be a world champion weightlifter - With a knife and fork.'

My budgie likes Mars bars.

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

"Year, I get a real workout with this exercise equipment. . . I'm constantly moving it out of my way!"

Clown with balloons to diabetic: 'Hey, could you take your shot over there?'

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

"If these don't make you feel better in a week you can come back here and kick my arse."

'Sorry, we don't treat stab wounds.'

"The diet section is located next to the snack bar."

"No matter how much I workout, my arms still look sticks."

'You've git song thrush Mrs Ellis.'

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

"I'm a little concerned about your smoking."

Aquarobics.

'Your wallet's being stolen. It's good you came in when it first started bothering you. We've caught it early.'