Web Traffic Wizard Gifts

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

Took On Too Much

'I can beat my own drum but it'll be counting on your to toot my horn.'

Gerald Ratner's return

"I hear you have been split testing our online advertising campaign. I haven't got a clue what that is but stop it now."

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

"Before we decide that SEO is dead, can someone tell me what SEO is?"

'Let's put it this way, your Billy is the only kid in class without his own website,,,'

The imagery attacks the compalcency of the casual web surfer and uses a visual cacophony of discordant images to excite and enthusethe casual visitor...

Websiteless -- please help.

"Do NOT refresh this page."

'I guess this is what we get for going to a discount web-page designer.'

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

The night before the big meeting Frank receives a visit from the PowerPoint Fairy

"Nothing beats work events to mingle, build relationships, and backstab fellow colleagues."

"Our social media statistics show us that people don't want our product. The want videos of cats."

"I wish whoever hacked my site would let me know what my password is."

The internet providing marketing, research, and data collection.

'You've got Chain Mail!'

I have a homepage, therefore I am.

'No, I'm not a connoisseur, but I do have a website.'

Globe

"This looks like a job for ... someone else."

"My website has fewer impressions than Frank Caliendo."