Web Analytics Wizard Gifts

"Our social media statistics show us that people don't want our product. The want videos of cats."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

Gerald Ratner's return

'As you can clearly see, our profits continue to climb well into the third quarter.'

'In celebration of Thanksgiving, this week's pie charts are all pumpkin flavored!'

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

'Well done! This works much better.'

"I hear you have been split testing our online advertising campaign. I haven't got a clue what that is but stop it now."

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

Information vs. confusion

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

"Now at this point reality intruded."

'I'll crunch the numbers and get back to you.'

"Heads, we go with the analytics. Tails, we don't."

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

"Before we decide that SEO is dead, can someone tell me what SEO is?"

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"He's been using the new virtual reality data viewer and climbing bar graphs..."