Web Analysis Gifts

'Just like the website, lots of visitors, few conversions.'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

Reading my Critics

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

Six Thinking Hats

'Herb will provide one of his concise interpretations of the quarterly sales charts.'

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

'As you can clearly see, our profits continue to climb well into the third quarter.'

'In celebration of Thanksgiving, this week's pie charts are all pumpkin flavored!'

'Well done! This works much better.'

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

"I hear you have been split testing our online advertising campaign. I haven't got a clue what that is but stop it now."

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

"...but this is the stuff of dreams Mr Whitley! Dreams."

Profit slump

Information vs. confusion

Micro and Macro Department,

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

'I'll crunch the numbers and get back to you.'

"Heads, we go with the analytics. Tails, we don't."

"He's been using the new virtual reality data viewer and climbing bar graphs..."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"Remember, data doesn't tell the whole story."

'Pick up Carlson on the end, he's got proven performance data.'

Political Analysis

"Finally, a co-worker who CAN handle Big data!"

'Typical phallic egocentrism!'