Information Analysis Gifts

"Let's shrink Big Data into Small Data... and hope it magically becomes Great Data."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

British savings accounts

The Anti-Agent

"My email is down... talk to me."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

Fear/Knowledge

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

Reading my Critics

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"National security adviser"

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

Time for More Paperwork

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"