Software Analysis Gifts

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

The Computer Bore

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

Reading my Critics

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Mac OS 20

"Just one more site!" "I'm totally, like, in control!" "I can quit anytime I feel like it..."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'You can drop all the hints you like, Jones. We're not buying you a computer.'

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

Driverless cars rage.

I.T. Fear

Computer Expert

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

Six Thinking Hats

"Gosh, I can't believe it's been over 25 years since our company was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the digital age!"

Computer monitor for a head.

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

Hardware and software

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

Fixing the Computer.

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

'Herb will provide one of his concise interpretations of the quarterly sales charts.'

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.