Script Analyst Gifts

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"It's boy meets girl, boy and girl do everything you've seen in every other movie."

"We're in the part of the movie that's usually a montage."

Film Casting Co.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Hollywood producer.

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"I hear you have been split testing our online advertising campaign. I haven't got a clue what that is but stop it now."

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

Eugene Ionesco

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

"The character I'm playing has Alzheimer's disease. So, I'm bound to forget my lines occasionally!"

Scrip Doctor

Hollywood Think Tank

Dear Diary

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

"If Neil Simon's going to keep writing them, we're going to keep seeing them."

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

Subtitles for the Stupid

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

Great script, great cinematography, great everything. But the whole 3D thing is lost on me.

"Yeah, the Declaration of Independence is beautiful! What font is that?"