Script Enthusiast Gifts

'I just cant do it...the script says enter stage left and I'm a Conservative.'

Write a Screenplay

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

Christopher Fry.

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"I enjoyed your script. Let me nap all day, ignore it for a while, and if I feel like I want attention, I'll get back to you."

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

"I'm perfect for the screenwriter's job. And if you don't like my résumé, I've got 12 more with alternative endings!"

'I'm writing a screenplay that every studio in Hollywood will want to produce. It's about an honest, hard-working, moral CEO.'

"I..I've forgotten my line! Please read forward and return to me later!"

Casting for Heroes series II.

'Reckless Rick has already lost three matches this year, but rumor has it that he's looking for a new writer...'

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

Al Pacino

Tom Stoppard.

Subtitles for the Stupid

Hollywood producer.

"Wait till to meet him, Mom! He reads books, has a checking account, and can even write script!"

I'm impressed, Sadie. I like your artwork. A dozen lines of squiggle and loops, signifying man's inhumanity toward technology. That's a letter! Written in cursive! By hand! It really should have a shorter title.

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

"You each have a job to do and I want you to give it your best as we read my screenplay."

"Oh, pardon me. That's not the menu , that's my screenplay."

"Can you read all the way to the last line and let me know if the characters' motivations are clear?"

Dustin Lance Black

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

"You want the gimmick? Here's the gimmick. Kevin Costner won't produce it, he won't direct it, and he won't star in it."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

A pretention of playwrights

Athens Playhouse. Euclid is rehearsing a play he wrote about lust, money and lies. Investment Sales Office. Don't be obtuse! Face each other from this angle! He's a tough director. It's surprising that Euclid, the father of geometry, wrote about passion, money and deceit. I thought so too, until I read the script. It's a story about a pyramid scheme and a love triangle!

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Hollywood producer.