Script Connoisseur Gifts

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

A pretention of playwrights

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Hollywood producer.

Actor practising his indian war crys

Hollywood producer.

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Oblivious at 20,000 Feet

Eugene Ionesco

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"Great money scenes!"

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

Woody Allen

Dear Diary

Scrip Doctor

"If Neil Simon's going to keep writing them, we're going to keep seeing them."

"Now this is what I call a true work of genius. . . And I haven't even read it yet."

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

Subtitles for the Stupid

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

Great script, great cinematography, great everything. But the whole 3D thing is lost on me.

Write a Screenplay

'I'm writing a screenplay that every studio in Hollywood will want to produce. It's about an honest, hard-working, moral CEO.'

"Oh, pardon me. That's not the menu , that's my screenplay."

Globe. Which line do you prefer? "What's past is prologue" or "today is the first day of the rest of your life"?

Audition. Script. He plays every role with that scowl --- His motto is "Anything you can do, I can do bitter."