Script Aficionado Gifts

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

'A page from Sylvester Stallone's newest film script.'

"Your script is fresh, imaginative, innovative, and groundbreaking. Now all you need to do is tweak it into a version of a proven blockbuster or an old TV sitcom and we'd love to green-light it."

'Brilliant... 'Slumlord Billionaire'!'

"Great money scenes!"

Good Cop/Hollywood Cop: "Confess or my partner will make you read his screenplay."

"Jake, I know how much you hate screenwriters but you're going to like this script - it was AI generated."

'We're calling it... 'World war zit!''

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"The story is stupid, the characters are unreliable and the senseless special effects will eat up millions. Well, I guess we've got a real blockbuster!"

Hollywood producer.

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

A pretention of playwrights

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

Actor practising his indian war crys

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Mark Twain and Charles Dickens make a joint appearance on the lecture circuit

Hollywood producer.

Dip Pen

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"Would you mind taking a look at this collection of my poems? Your opinion would mean a lot."

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

Welcome to ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? Theatre

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

"I can write, but I can't draw."

"See - that's how he's able to write all those plays."

Woody Allen

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"