Systems Analyst Gifts

'Well, this looks like the spot where your bandwidth is getting all clogged up.'

'Hello tech support? When I simultaneously press CTRL, TAB, ALT, NUM Lock, and Page Up keys, my fingers hurt.'

'It just seems like, ever since the system upgrade, nothing's where it should be.'

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

"Guide us, Oh Database Manager!"

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

'He wants a system with lots of memory,but without a mouse.'

'Sure, you can become a systems analyst if you want to - but tell Daddy, what is a systems analyst?'

Lots of 'systems chappies'.

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

"Oh great Oz, are you saying we don't need a mainframe?"

You have 10 updates, 6 slow your PC down, 3 look very dodgy, 1 randomly changes all your PC settings!

"Our system's been cracked. How is that even possible?"

"We've got one. It makes twice the mistakes in half the time."

Computer Expert

Computer Software Agreement.

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

'I've got one week to master this program. The boss is threatening to hire an eight year old.'

Computer with Y2K on screen carring a 'End is Near' sign

Hardware and software

'You want to discuss the glitches in the software I sent you? No, Tuesday's out - how about never - is never okay?'

'Taking his job as Systems Analyst a bit literally, isn't he?'

Once a week, Henry freaked out at the idea of being behind the software curve.

"Go ahead and laugh, but this baby hasn't crashed since 1961."

"Do you realize we've been together through three versions of Windows?"

'It's your computer. I'll have to call in a systems analyst.'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Apex Computas,gone for a byte.

"The technology's in place, now all we have to do is misuse it."

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

'I used to be considered a cog in their wheel but now I'm thought of as a glitch in their computer software.'

"So that's where the trash goes!"

Fixing the Computer.

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

Binary Man