System Analyst Gifts

"The new system is 100% accurate as long as the client is called Colin and lives in Swindon."

Computer virus

'It just doesn't get any beta than this.'

"Looks like the computer is down again"

'Unfortunately, it also makes the world's biggest mistakes.'

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

Happy looking computer

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

"Gosh, I can't believe it's been over 25 years since our company was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the digital age!"

The Anti-Agent

The Computer Bore

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

'Now that everyone's street is online, we're mapping interiors.'

Computer Expert

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

Computer monitor for a head.

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

Hardware and software

Fixing the Computer.

'Wouldn't it be cheaper to apologise to the Middle East?'

"It's a fantastic computer! It's so old that none of today's hackers know how to hack it!"

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

A Little Extra

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

'I think what we need now is someone called a computer programmer.'

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"