System Analysis Gifts

Bureaucrat

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

The Computer Bore

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

Reading my Critics

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

Computer Expert

'The recession is over, again.'

Computer monitor for a head.

Six Thinking Hats

"Gosh, I can't believe it's been over 25 years since our company was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the digital age!"

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

Hardware and software

Fixing the Computer.

'Herb will provide one of his concise interpretations of the quarterly sales charts.'

"It's a fantastic computer! It's so old that none of today's hackers know how to hack it!"

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

'I think what we need now is someone called a computer programmer.'

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

End of Year Figs.

'I've got one week to master this program. The boss is threatening to hire an eight year old.'

Computer making faces behind owner's back.

'Well look, here come the hackers!'

Binary Man

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

"It's very sweet of you to visit him. Mr. Mainframe doen't get out much since the desktops came in."

'Honey, tell me honestly...does this operating system make me look big-endian?'

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

Windows or Mac?

"And, of course, this is when all our loose change fell out of our pockets."