Information Analyst Gifts

Desk bins: 'Too much information,' 'Not enough,' 'Just right.'

"Let's shrink Big Data into Small Data... and hope it magically becomes Great Data."

Garbage in, garbage out.

'Remember that code we couldn't decipher for seven years? We deciphered it - but do we want to know everything there is to know about rainfall in eastern Peru?'

"Don't worry, it's good when his eyeballs spin around like that. He's buffering your information."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Anti-Agent

British savings accounts

"My email is down... talk to me."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

Fear/Knowledge

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

"National security adviser"

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'You know too much,'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

Time for More Paperwork

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."