Information Analyst Gifts

Desk bins: 'Too much information,' 'Not enough,' 'Just right.'

"Let's shrink Big Data into Small Data... and hope it magically becomes Great Data."

Garbage in, garbage out.

'Remember that code we couldn't decipher for seven years? We deciphered it - but do we want to know everything there is to know about rainfall in eastern Peru?'

"Don't worry, it's good when his eyeballs spin around like that. He's buffering your information."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Anti-Agent

British savings accounts

"My email is down... talk to me."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"National security adviser"

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'You know too much,'

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

Time for More Paperwork

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."