Content Analysis Gifts

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

Reading my Critics

Studies show foods work miracles!

"No way. Lando, my friend. Lando." "There's no way Lando Calrissian was a better betrayer than Alex Krycek." "Ask any passerby on the street. 9 out of 10 of them won't even know who Alex Krycek is." "That's utter foolishness. Everyone knows Alex Krycek. He was basically the X-Files' anti-Mulder. He could out-weasel Billy D. Williams any day." "Stop!" "When men start arguing over which fictional character was a better betrayer, they have officially run out of things to talk about." "That Kr

Six Thinking Hats

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

'Herb will provide one of his concise interpretations of the quarterly sales charts.'

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

The Secret Sauce of American Exceptionalism

Debate. First they waffled and then they gave syrupy answers.

"...but this is the stuff of dreams Mr Whitley! Dreams."

Profit slump

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Who Are You Going to Believe, Us Or Your Lying Eyes and Ears?

"Are these 'raw' facts or 'spun' facts?"

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

Micro and Macro Department,

Lights Action Camera Justice

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

"Remember, data doesn't tell the whole story."

The Court of Public Opinion

'Typical phallic egocentrism!'