Internet Analyzer Gifts

"I'm glad you took the trouble to diagnose your own symptoms using the internet...and you'd be 100% accurate...IF you were a GOAT."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

Alternative Medicine

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

The new Physics

"I hear you have been split testing our online advertising campaign. I haven't got a clue what that is but stop it now."

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"I thought they introduced the witch a little late."

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

"I only told a few friends."

"If this is secret information the government doesn't want us to know, how come we can read about it on facebook?"

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

Spam traps on mobiles

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"Pff! That orang utan's obviously a crisis actor!"

The Darknet starts right here.

Berlitz guide to Scamese

'He's been a lot better behaved since getting that laptop.'

'It's simple. First we look at the upside. Then we look at the downside. Then we look at the upside-down side.'

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"I already know he's gone — it's been on the Internet."