Internet Diagnoser Gifts

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Alternative Medicine

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

The new Physics

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"I only told a few friends."

Spam traps on mobiles

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

"If this is secret information the government doesn't want us to know, how come we can read about it on facebook?"

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

The Darknet starts right here.

"Jeez, Alice, at least Google him first."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

Berlitz guide to Scamese

Psychiatry. Why go on a voyage of self-discovery when I can just Google myself?

"I looked up your rash online. Have you recently been to one of the moons of Saturn? Or, it could just be poison ivy."

You were right. I should have gone for the BT package.

"That's not what it says on the Web."

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"I already know he's gone — it's been on the Internet."

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

"I warned him being online was dangerous."

"Hello?"

The Big Bad Wolf

"I think we've been hacked."

Your data