Internet Amateur Diagnostician Gifts

'I disagree with you, doctor. It's not just a hangnail. According to the Internet, it's a rare genetic disorder. . .'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'Our health plan consists of an hour of free web time to self-diagnose.'

"That's not what it says on the Web."

Tunnel of Anxiety

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

You have a hangover!

Doctors' Tour

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

"Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again."

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"I just thought I'd run the symptoms by you before I get a proper diagnosis on Google."

"Amazing your knowledge of the virus, if anything, I should pay you."

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and I think I've got bovine spongiform encephalitis."

"I don't care what it said when you looked up your symptoms on the internet. You arenot Anorexic."

'I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I've either got...'

'I couldn't diagnose this ailment on the internet, so I was forced to come to you.'

"I'm very impressed with your web research,this self-diagnosis would be 100% accurate...if you were a Patagonian fruit bat!"

'Are you telling me my symptoms don't match my internet diagnosis?'

I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I've either got swine fever,rift valley fever,bovine spongiform encelophalopathy,bluetongue or a stubbed toe!

'Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again.'

"There's no known treatment for it, but I can refer you to some great related content."

Hypochondriac.

"I've already consulted WebMD. I'm just here for a second opinion."

'It's hurtful enough you diagnose yourself on the internet, but then to call me a 'second opinion!''

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent 11 years studying medicine when your research online seems to have identified your condition...if you were a Patagonian fruit bat!"

"Stupid insurance form won't let me choose web as my primary care physician!"

'I've already diagnosed myself on the web but I thought I'd come in for a second opinion.'

"The internet says I have an eating disorder, I might be anorexic!"