Diy Diagnostician Gifts

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"Watch carefully...it hurts when I do this."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

"I'm afraid that you have gnumonia."

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

Bedside Manna.

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

'Well my inner diagnostician thinks your inner diagnostician is completely off the wall.'

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

"And now a special report from 'News 4' Science Editor, Dr. Frank Lovell, on how to remove your own gallbladder."

'To save money, Bob started making his own wine. This Chablis, for example, only cost him $329 a bottle.'

'Our health plan consists of an hour of free web time to self-diagnose.'

'I've conducted a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...'

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"Why would anyone hire a barrister, anyone can talk...I'm taking on my own case just as soon as I finish this triple by-pass."

Tunnel of Anxiety

"I did my own research and now I'm strongly anti-fire."

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

"It appears the pain is caused by your acupuncture treatments."

'I've narrowed the diagnosis down to 16 possibilities.'

'I disagree with you, doctor. It's not just a hangnail. According to the Internet, it's a rare genetic disorder. . .'

Homeschooled Doctor. Mom says: 'After you set your sister's leg one more time we'll take a milk and cookies break...'

'Let's see what the ol' ticker tape' says.'

"Give a man an exam and he'll be healthy for a day; teach a man to examine himself and he'll be healthy for a lifetime."

'Double or nothing on the second opinion, Doc?'

"Give it to me nuanced, Doc."