Internet Diagnostician Gifts

"I'm very impressed with your web research,this self-diagnosis would be 100% accurate...if you were a Patagonian fruit bat!"

'It's hurtful enough you diagnose yourself on the internet, but then to call me a 'second opinion!''

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

Dad Trophies

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Alternative Medicine

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

The new Physics

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"I only told a few friends."

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"Look, Mom! A broadband digital subscriber line followed me home. Can we keep it?"

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

"If this is secret information the government doesn't want us to know, how come we can read about it on facebook?"

Spam traps on mobiles

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

The Darknet starts right here.

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"And how do you feel when your patient does online research and thinks he's an expert?"

Berlitz guide to Scamese

My password is ELEPHANT. It may not be the strongest, but I never forget it.

"I looked up your rash online. Have you recently been to one of the moons of Saturn? Or, it could just be poison ivy."

"That's not what it says on the Web."

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"I already know he's gone — it's been on the Internet."

Broadband is Near

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"