Internet Diagnostician Pillows

"I'm very impressed with your web research,this self-diagnosis would be 100% accurate...if you were a Patagonian fruit bat!"

'It's hurtful enough you diagnose yourself on the internet, but then to call me a 'second opinion!''

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

"I just thought I'd run the symptoms by you before I get a proper diagnosis on Google."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

Dad Trophies

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Alternative Medicine

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

The new Physics

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"I only told a few friends."

An Intimate Union forms between Napster and the Pygmy Sub-Area of Central Africa...

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"If this is secret information the government doesn't want us to know, how come we can read about it on facebook?"

"Look, Mom! A broadband digital subscriber line followed me home. Can we keep it?"

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

Spam traps on mobiles

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

"Jeez, Alice, at least Google him first."

"And how do you feel when your patient does online research and thinks he's an expert?"

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

The Darknet starts right here.

Berlitz guide to Scamese

My password is ELEPHANT. It may not be the strongest, but I never forget it.

Psychiatry. Why go on a voyage of self-discovery when I can just Google myself?

"I looked up your rash online. Have you recently been to one of the moons of Saturn? Or, it could just be poison ivy."

"That's not what it says on the Web."

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.